A bit on the darker side

I thought I would break out a little bit of writing I have stashed away.  I haven’t quite been able to figure out how to put this on another page than the blog to indicate its simply fiction but I wanted to get to editing and posting some and I’ll move things around later.

Pervert

I don’t know exactly when I started to go down the kinkier side of things.  If I sit here and think about it I can recall where it might have started but it’s not something that’s at the forefront of my mind.  I was looking for porn.  Something to jerk off to, but it all was so fake.  Of course 99% of it is fake but lately it had all come across as a poorly staged scene.  Even the amateur stuff seemed to have forced dialogue.  I wanted something real.

Then I discovered peeping tom videos.  They were single camera shots of women mostly in their most intimate moments.  If these videos were fake the presentation was incredibly well done.  The quality was poor but the realness of it all is what drew me in and soon I was hooked.

I couldn’t jerk off to normal porn anymore.  I needed the feeling of watching someone.  I wanted to feel like I wasn’t supposed to be seeing what was happening.  Most of the content wasn’t even that sexual either but it got me really hard and really fast.

Typically the videos were of girls undressing and wandering around their bedrooms looking for clothes.  Sometimes I’d get lucky and find one of a couple fucking.  The stare of the unmoving lens while they moved around made me giddy upon those finds.  Then after avoiding them for so long because they didn’t have much to do with sex at all and there was very little nakedness I watched my first video of a girl in a public bathroom stall.

She was young, college-aged like me.  Long dark hair.  Very cute from what I could tell.  The video was in black and white but it didn’t matter.  It was thrilling as I watched her.  This has to be probably the most intimate moment a person has, something the vast majority never shares with anyone.  I was eavesdropping and she had no idea.  It was just her and me.

She moved into the stall and locked it behind her, turning her back to the seat and shimmying her jeans down her hips.  The camera must have been in the ceiling because the shot was pretty much right above her.  I could see her bare legs as her thighs squeezed together.  The sound as she started to relieve herself gave me shivers.  Another ten seconds or so and she was done.  She wiped and dropped the toilet paper in the bowl, stood up and pulled up her pants and exited the stall.  A mere 30 seconds to a minute video but I needed more.

I watched her again, repeatedly.  I set it to playback once it finished and began stroking my cock while watching her.  Seeing her hips wiggle out of her pants and watching her sit down.  Then the dull sound of her peeing caused me to speed up every time it cycled through that part.  By the fourth time of watching the video I came.  It was a good one too.  It made me crave more and I instantly started looking for more videos just like that to save on my computer.

I wanted to open four or five at a time and set them all to repeat.  My eyes jumping from one screen to the next as my hand pumped up and down on my cock.  I was addicted.  I saved the ones I liked and created a folder deep in a folder maze.  This new interest is something I wanted to keep very private.

Over a few months I gathered quite a collection of videos.  They ranged from girls in the shower to private home videos and still my favorite of girls on the toilet.  It wasn’t the act of what was happening for me though, the girl had to be attractive.  I wasn’t jerking off to some 250lb whale or anything.  I had somewhere over a hundred or so videos I would cycle between and adding more every couple of weeks.

It all caught up with me.  I got lazy and didn’t realize that whenever I would play a video the “open” feature opened it up into the folder of the last video played.  When my girlfriend sat at my computer to watch a movie I had downloaded for her she clicked the open button and saw my secret.  I had been in the other room getting some popcorn for our movie date when I came back in and she was staring at the screen then shot her head to look at me.

“What is all of this?”  She asked.

“All of what?”  I hadn’t clued in yet.

Her voice was filled with worry, “these videos.  Do you have cameras hidden all over the place?”

Fuck.  “Oh god no.  No no no no no.  I just,”  I paused.  I didn’t know else how to spin it so I figured the best thing to do is to come clean.  It’s better to be thought a pervert than a pervert, a criminal, a creep and who knows what else.  “I just…I don’t know why but I find this arousing.  I can’t explain it.  I downloaded all of those videos to watch.  It’s not something I ever thought you would accept so I hid it.”

Then she said something I never thought I would ever hear.  “You should have asked me at least.”

I didn’t know what to say to that.  Was it acceptance?  Was it curiosity?  How the hell do you respond to that?!  “I’m sorry I would have if I had known you wouldn’t be mad.”

“I wouldn’t have been mad.  I still wouldn’t if you wanted to watch me,” she seemed to stare right through me.  It felt uncomfortable because it felt like she was staring inside of me and inviting all of my demons out to play.  To be that vulnerable, like the women in those videos, is scary.

“Here come with me,” she says as she stands up and takes my hand.  She leads me down the hall to the bathroom.  My heart is pounding and I’m feeling my excitement grow as she opens the door and leads me in.  She points at the bathtub across from the toilet and simply says, “sit.”

I follow directions and watch her as she seduces me.  I don’t know if she did it on purpose or not but the way she pulled her pants down her hips was the exact same waggle the girl did in the first video I had ever seen.  I don’t even realize that my hand is between my legs rubbing myself.  She does though.

“Take off your pants,” she prods, “boxers too.  Touch yourself.  I’m going to pretend you aren’t here.”

I’ve never pulled my cock out faster than I did at that moment.  I wrapped my hand around my thickness and started pumping slowly.  I didn’t want to finish too quickly as she had just started her show.

She was trimmed around her privates, barely anything there.  I wanted her so bad.  I wanted her to be squatting above my face and then to slowly lower herself onto my mouth.  She sat down on the seat and within a few moments the steady stream flowed from her.  I can’t stop myself now, my pumping is hard and fast.  I don’t think I’m even blinking and I can’t take my eyes off of her.  Her mocha colored skin.  Those bare legs and ass.  The little bit of cleavage in her tanktop.

My cock lets loose one of the most powerful orgasms I’ve ever had.  My body nearly goes limp and a drug like ecstasy washed over me.   I can barely keep my eyes open but I fix my gaze on her as she wipes herself and stands up.  She wiggles back into her pants and walks over to me, placing a finger under my chin and lifting my face upward.

“See,” she toys with me, “wasn’t that better than some silly video.  Maybe next time we’ll have to get a little more messy.  We try one thing of yours then one thing of mine.”

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