Futile

Him:  Why can’t we just go back to how we used to be?  I don’t even recognize that anymore.

THAT Her: Because we can’t.  Ever.  It’s gone.

Him:  Why does it have to be gone?  Nothing ever has to be gone, all you have to do is say it isn’t gone and treat it like its right here.

THAT Her:  It’s gone.  Face it.  It is so hard to bring back a feeling that has faded.  It’s impossible to make one go away that’s replaced it.

Him:  Nothing is impossible if we want it to be.  I don’t think you want it to be when it can be so simple.

THAT Her: It’s not simple though.  It just isn’t.

Him:  Why not?

THAT Her:  Why?  Because I can’t trust you, that’s why.  Plain and simple and out there.  That is something I can’t get over.  No matter how many times I think we can just go back to talking like normal we can’t because I can’t get the mistrust out of my head.  No matter what it’s always there lurking and any time you say something that sounds a little off it rears its head and that is all I can think about.

Him:  How am I lying?  Why can’t you trust me?

THAT Her:  Because I know you’re not telling the truth.  I just know it.  There are things you say and do that make me feel in the depths of my bones that you’re not being honest.  You can tell me up and down that I’m being foolish or that I need to trust you but these are feelings I can’t get past.  These are feelings I have to trust.

Him:  Lets say I was lying.  I know this is a bad place to go because it feels like I’m basically admitting it when I’m not but lets say I am.  What is it I’m lying about and how does it affect anything?

THAT Her:  (laughing) You’re saying you aren’t lying while asking me what you’re lying about?  How the hell do you think that sounds to me?  WHY DON’T YOU JUST TELL ME!?

Him:  Because I can’t!  I can’t!  I can’t tell you.  It has NOTHING to do with anything else at all but I can’t tell you.  It is the one thing that I cannot do even though it is meaningless.  And I know you’ll think that if its meaningless then why can’t you tell me.  It’s because it’s meaningless between you and I.  It has nothing to do with how we are.  Or how we were.  Or could be.  Or would be.  Nothing to do with it at all.  But I cannot tell you what it is.

THAT Her:  This is ridiculous.  If it is something you can’t tell me then its important.  If it wasn’t important then you would be able to tell me.  If it meant anything then you would need to tell me because it meant something.  If it didn’t mean anything then you could tell me because it was meaningless.  Either way, no matter which way you want to serve it there should be no hesitation at all.  You should just be able to tell me and have it done with.  But its one of those things; you can’t tell me because it isn’t meaningless or you can’t tell me because I’m not as important as you think I am.  Either way it’s something that makes my feeling right.  I’m vindicated in telling you we can never be like we were.  Everything I thought and felt was right because you can’t tell me.  It doesn’t matter why.

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